First of all, with the whole moniker thing.
It’s a fit check.
I need to reassure you that Fantasy Hockey Professor was not coined out of conceit. It’s just the combination of what I love, i.e, fantasy hockey + my other life, i.e, teaching. Besides, that’s what they call me whenever I’m toting golf bags and reading greens.
O.k. then,
You just don’t get rate stats here at Apples and Ginos. We give you some entertainment tonight too.
So get you some Tim Hortons (shout out to my north of my border posse) and plug in. I’ve got some fantasy hockey chatter with a healthy shaken and not stirred mixture of pop culture, music, and film references for your perusal. Going live in 3, 2, 1…
Off the Rack
—Good thing I sold high on Pettey. More on that in a sec.
—I know the game has passed me by (this is the part where you’re supposed to say, no it hasn’t Professor...). It’s alright. I’ll wait….Still waiting…crickets), but what’s with all the styling and profiling arena entrances? I could use a little less of this and a little more of the depositing of the biscuit into the back of the old onion bag please. Make you boys a deal. I’ll grant you your forays into the world of haute couture if you’ll dedicate as much time into…call me crazy but, Apples and Ginos please! Got a brand to concern ourselves with. Killing me here Smalls.
I mean, I’m a David Bowie fan and all, but seriously? With the awkward hats too?
—When is Sam Reinhart going to regress? DOWNWARD. I had him on my team at various (without) points last year and it was, for long stretches of the season, like watching paint dry. Contract year anyone?
—Jusse Saros’s manic season so far. Here’s a hypothetical: if you didn’t go full on Zero-G (shhhh, don’t let ’em know), is it possible to retroactively employ it like …now?! We could maybe rename it Absolute Zero-G with a wink and a nod to Georgie Costanza.
—Brock Faber. Stop the pod.
—What’s going on in Fishtown? Go ahead. Look it up. No really. Look it up. Alright, my Gen-Whatever-ers. Just throw me a bone then and re-register for this class in Torts’ Law.
—Selling high on Blake Coleman. He can’t keep this up. Can he? But he’s got that Devils’ lineage Professor and we know you’re a sucker for sentimentality.
Trinity College
In these hallowed halls, roams one Sir Blakely Of Corsi For Ubiquity, His Most Majestic High Chief of Getting to Biz. And on his recent episode of the Apples and Ginos podcast Cream of the Crop, he discussed at length and with grandiloquence, the three cardinal rules regarding rostering and or streaming players in fantasy hockey.
To wit and in my order of importance with deference to mon capitan NGN (that would be you Nate):
1. Time on Ice aka TOI aka Deployment. We’re looking for numbers say north of 17 minutes per here.
2. Opportunity aka who you lookin at. You lookin at me? We’re not simply talking about third wheels here. We want top six wingmen who can somewhat hold their own in case you overindulge. Think a Sam Bennett and not say a Juraj Slafkovsky, although I do sorta like him. Just not yet though. He’s just a kid! Shout out to Juraj Slafkovsky though. I’m sure he’s got a beautiful full head of hair 😉 Not bad eh Creams?
2. Metrics aka the stuff that makes the A&G cognoscenti so cogent.
Combine these three ingredients in your Carolina Blender with your knowledge of your team and your needs and your boys will wear it well.
Cartier Versace
For yours truly and probably for many of you over the past little bit, these players have been seriously walking the runway for your respective teams:
Cole Caufield: Shooting still but now the percentages are trending up. You love to see it. Throw in a dish or two to Juraj every so so CC, and I might just stream him back again.
Nathan MacKinnon: Nate Dogg talking about if you know like I know, you don’t wanna step to this. Pasta and Kuch are lurking so keep laying them bustas down my brother. Bonus points if you know the artist and song sampled here. Lots of folks keep forgetting, so eyes on your own papers please.
Matt Roy: He’s been sneaky valuable especially in deeper banger/cats leagues. Plus, I’ve always been a bit envious of the two first names name. Very LA.
Sam Bennett: Shout out to that other Nate and his Doggs. Dancing with Carter Versace and Matty Teeks in tow, I want this Sam to keep on taking it. By the way, I love how when Yosemite “takes it” from Bugs, he not only “takes it,” but then adds the dance hall days hat from side to side flourish. Pure Loon-acy.
Owen Tippett: Earlier this year I made what I thought was an irrational and potentially disastrous trade to acquire Tipps and Timo Meier. And it was probably, and maybe yet to come with good reason (I hope not!), met with curious glances and perhaps even a frontal side-eye or two from those who considered this to be a bit too spicy for their digestions.
At the time, I decided to offer Elias Pettersson and Nick Schmaltz for Timo and he who’s name shall forever be changed to HIs Gingerness (what a Soggy Boy!). The other manager hammered the accept button faster than you can say whatever you’re supposed to say at this point to finish this overused idiom even though I’m still overusing it. Poetic license granted and taken.
Anyway, since that trade, I’ve watched Timo languish on my IR (but he’s back. C’mon Timo. Give me some Time) and Tipps’s deployment steadily increase. It’s a Torts’ Law-101 review sesh. Let’s go!
But lately, it also got me thinking about something else I read on the A&G Discord server, i.e, (thank you again His Majesty) to not think about trades in terms of who won and who lost the trade but rather, could or did the trade make sense for your team. Additionally, Blake added the suggestion of not being afraid to over offer to make that potentiality come to fruition.
In my case, the rationale at the time was that my team was underperforming with both Pettey and Schmaltzy and I was top heavy with center only players. Why not try to pry away from the Timo owner, my bro crush and soon to be new bromance to bolster my team’s midriff, for an offer he couldn’t refuse? Nice abs still do sell right?
And while the proverbial jury is still out (where is this jury anyway? Maybe out looking for those cows who still haven’t come home?), I have noticed an uptick in my team’s competitiveness as of late.
We’ll see…
Until then, I hope this was as much fun for you as it was for me and that it brought you some value.
Mike@TheFantasyHockeyProfessor
P.S. Of course you do remember the cameo in Zoolander right? Thought so. Gotta circle back to the Outfit Of The Day.
Apples and Ginos 
