…in a nutshell and thinking out loud here…on paper… you’re probably gonna need a few extra minutes to get through this one…Lotta side trips coming up with, of course, the requisite complement of old school R&B standards, 80’s/90’s allusions, and classic film references in an attempt to add some levity and context to our fantasy hockey trials and tribulations.
This is what I do and I appreciate you riding shotgun. Put the top down but buckle up.
As a working theme for this piece, let’s open with a visual presentation on our collective mental whiteboards and pay homage to Mssrs. Paul, Gene, Ace, and Peter…
Of the many draws, as to why you may be reading this, is the notion that they may be one of the few things (areas of our lives?) that can make some sense…at least on paper. Gotta get that paper.
That gives us something we can sort of put in a box, our combined boxes, and come to terms with. And yet, it also carries with it the daily acts of memorabilia that make up so much of the rest of our lives, giving it color and depth. Like taking a shot on the player who comes through in the clutch…or not.
Take this…
A Sunday night (as a kid, my stomach would start churning even more so- ugh, middle school!- when the seconds of the Sixty Minutes clock would start ticking away at about 7:00 PM and all the school work I’d neglected to do all weekend suddenly came too much into focus) and you’re in a very tight matchup, but you’ve still got more games to be played than your opponent and in those games, you’ve still got three of your big guns primed and ready to go. In this case, my big guns haven’t been exactly as big as advertised this year, but still…
For us NJ Devils fans, this has been Episode whatever of Lost.
Dougie Hamilton’s season-ender, coupled with early season injuries to Jack Hughes and Nico Hischier (&*#$@, his name is a pain in the neck to type out correctly), and the botched deployment/lingering injury Timo Meier season, have all added up to a wait till next year primal scream into the Jersey wilderness of my discontent.
Nevertheless, my big boys (Hughes, Toffoli, and Timo) were primed to go. And (here’s the in a nutshell part), as an afterthought, I also had Philip Danault left over from a few weeks ago stream because “I’ve got no choice.”
(I know. I’ve used that clip before but if you want to get a feel for the ethos in this part of the world, few do it better. Although, Jerry’s facial expression at the end of this one is pretty darn illuminating too).
And wouldn’t you just know it: a goal from Timo (are you kidding me?!), goose eggs from Jack and Tyler and…a hat trick from Danault! A hat trick from Danault! Wait, what!?
You can’t make it up.
With that in mind,
Forget about Zero-G.
I’m going for, or at least employing (for now at least), a Zero-D approach too. It’s like rostering catchers in fantasy baseball, i.e, you do the best you can with your catchers (and goalies and defensemen in hockey), plug them into your lineups and close your eyes and cross your fingers and toes.
Enough already.
Seriously, I’m just going to do the opposite, which for our purposes, I’m going to define as not obsessing over defensemen and goalies…Yeah o.k, Professor! And I’d recommend that you do the same.
At various times throughout this year, and for a lot of the past few years, I’ve rostered the following stud defenseman across a number of teams to varying degrees of mostly success:
Roman Josi
Mike Matheson
Miro Heiskanen
Brandon Montour
Evan Bouchard
Roman Josi
Thomas Chabot
Victor Hedman
Zach Werenski
The point is:
A. Do some homework (Nate, Blake, Josh et al).
B. Stay on top of your team.
C. Invest early on in blue chip stocks.
D. Play the long game. Get your guys and, unless something drastic happens, hang on.
We’re not breaking any new ground here, but it really doesn’t matter how much you spend on refrigerators. They all keep the food cold.
Chewing Gum and Walking at the Same Time
As someone who can hardly draw stick figures with oversized crayons, I’m especially fond of those who can. Especially when those same those are young old souls who honor my grey school. Kids in the other room and headphones on please. Especially from about the 2:40 minute mark forward. And get ready for some serious high hat action.
The following are some of my favorite Easy Lovers:
Filip Forsberg: I can’t for the life of me figure out why so many were so down on this beautician. I’ve rostered Forsberg for the past three seasons, and with the exception of last year’s injury impacted second half, he’s been an in plain sight hidden gem.
For so many of us, The Mustache changed things for us this year. You’re probably going to have to close the door and crank this one up as well. I mean, how serious is the guitar and organ work on this one? What a combination of rock, soul, and the blues. Are you kidding me?
Joe Pavalski: Like vanilla ice cream on top of a slice of pound cake, Pavs just gets the job done without a lot of fanfare. He’s been the definition of a plug and play player for me for many years. I’ll have some of what he’s been having and I’ll continue to ask for it for as long as it’s being served. Thank you very much.
Clayton Keller: Perhaps it’s because he looks so much like any of a number of my students I’ve taught over the years. Or maybe it’s just the contrarian in me, but I like the off-the-beaten path guy and to me, this is Keller. He’s perennially a guy I look to snag usually earlier rather than later in my drafts and he hasn’t disappointed. A little down this year, but he’s known to be a closer, so hang in there.
Music and Wine
Continuing down the path suggested by A&G’s Nate Groot Nibbelink, who Spock’s got nothing on btw ;), what follows are some Grand-pop culture references (with the inferences hopefully left intact, sit up now class!) as they might relate to some of my favorite fantasy hockey players and their season outputs to date.
J.T. Miller: In the pantheon of fantasy hockey avatars, it seems that Miller is too often overlooked. Lady T and Slick Rick calling “SB” (Square Biz) to J.T. and the rest of us.
Nathan Mackinnon: Bellying up to the widest body in the fleet. If you’ve never flown on an Airbus 380 (like me), roster that other Nate Dogg. And of course, the Rolls-Royce engines. Expect anything less?
Andrei Vasilevskiy: I’ve always been a proponent of the fantasy precept of trusting in your star players. Over time, this is typically a sound approach…But, there’s always a but right?
The future Hall of Fame Magnus Cattus has been high key underperforming this year, which is kind of a bummer for a few reasons. First of all, it’s always a cold shower to realize that you may be looking too closely into the mirror of a ticking clock. Secondly, coming to grips with a misstep (I thought I was clever when I grabbed him off of waivers when another manager dropped him shortly after draft day), is always a tough pill to swallow.
If the wrinkles are mine too, I can always revisit one of my favorite Seinfeld clips for solace and a laugh.
Nick Schmaltz: As a film noir nerd, one of my favorites is 1946’s Gilda starring Rita Hayworth and Glenn Ford.
In a film filled with memorable quotes, one of the most devastating is when Gilda (played by Hayworth) meets up with her old flame Johnny played by Ford. Her new husband re-introduces them by saying, “His name is Johnny, Gilda.” And her response? “Oh, I’m sorry. Johnny is such a hard name to remember and so easy to forget.”
With Schmaltz, I was introduced to him with his 7 point night against Ottawa two years ago. And because of that, I’ll always remember. And never forget. It’s the romantic in me.
Evan Bouchard: Mentioned in a previous article, it’s rare in fantasy when a player not only meets the hype but exceeds it. Such has been the case with Bouch this year. His penchant for bombs, especially late in games has been a boon to my team’s fortunes this year. Just once, I want Bouchard’s arena arrival to include camo, a rhinestone-studded vest, and a cowboy hat.
K.I.S.S.ing a Vampire
So what’s this all about?
Vamping in music is loosely defined as the improvisation that artists employ in a performance. Analyzing one of my all-time favorite tracks, I discovered that it included “extensive vamping.”
The Professor was intrigued.
How to connect another seemingly unconnected Grand-pop reference to the topic at hand?
Cracking that same nutshell, it goes something like this: in a fantasy world where the numbers can sometimes be overwhelming, simplicity and improvisation can often be effective mantras for keeping things in perspective and helping your decision making as the season comes to its conclusion.
Ain’t nobody does it better, so I’ll let her take us home. C’mon Blake, I know you’re with me on this one brother. Let’s get it.
I hope this helps and, as always, thank you for reading.
Mike@TheFantasyHockeyProfessor
Apples and Ginos 